my confession

In my fiction and dreams I used to write about the guy who had the most chocolate-y brown eyes that reflected me and only me whenever I stared into them, but I stopped writing about them because I knew there's no man like that on earth. I tried to imagine how yours would look like and if they weren't filled with warmth, would they be filled with cold? But when I met you, I looked into your eyes, and I saw the warmth I never found in any fires or snuggly blankets or burning hearths.

I glimpsed something strange and I saw it prancing about like the twinkling of a little mischievous fire pixie and I knew I wanted to see it more and more. So being curious I said the things I normally did and did the things I normally do with every guy that comes along and I found it intriguing that your responses made me react different from all the other times. I found it fun and exciting, and without seeing them I knew that my own eyes reflected yours, with that strange little pixie prancing about within my irises like light playing on an iridescent shell.

And when I place my hands on your chest I feel your heartbeat out of tune with every song in the world except my own. Such erratic beating I find extremely endearing and adorable when I happen to glance up into your face and I see the calmest expression put on, an emotion so completely opposite from what your own heart projects. In turn it makes my own heart skip a beat and once again I'm filled with the feeling of awe that comes with realizing that we're only two small people in a whole wide world under a cluster of stars that die and form in our very own galaxy.

And you know what? I love it when I place my hands into yours, and it's large enough to envelope mine, because I wasn't born like those perfect girls, those with petite hands and slim figures whose hands fit into the average guy's palms. With that feeling, I can let down my guard again because I knew you'll guard me and won't let anything else besides yourself hurt me, and in turn I'll protect you from anything that anyone hurls your way. I like how I fit exactly in your arms and I can breathe in your smell which I never get enough of because everytime I don't smell it I walk every path and turn every corner hoping I'll bump into you.

Every day I live life wanting to hold your hands and walk by your side because being with you makes me feel like dancing and my chest feels so light I feel like I'm flying and everytime I try to catch my heart I feel like I'm a kitten pouncing for a butterfly out of reach. But it doesn't matter because I'm willing to sail through life forever light hearted with you by my side.

And I can't help it but everytime I look at you my heart catches in my throat and the words don't come out so I look as if I'm suffocating. But really I'm just choking on my own words because everytime I look at you I can never believe you're with me though somehow I can.. And those three small words used to express what people can never generally describe always seem as if they're not really what I feel because they're just words and can be said without any feeling. So I end up saying it more than once and when I'm done with my tirade of repeated words I'm aware that my cheeks are flaming red and my heart is thumping against my chest I wonder if you can hear it.

When I feel that my heart can thump no more faster and my cheeks can grow no more redder, you place your palm on my cheek and all the blood rushes to my brain, my knees feel weak and I feel like crying. I can't help the tears that form and the ones that spill so that it runs along your hand, the only thing besides our hearts that are moving, while we're waiting for the final words you know I want to say but always hesitate to speak.

And then it seems like forever until I spill out my whisper of words drowned out by the rhythm of our hearts, yet so loud that they echo and ring in my ears so much so I have to ask myself if I really said them and if they're not a projection in my mind.

I love you!

I want to shout, I want the whole world to know, I'm desperate for especially you and you alone to know what I feel because words don't seem enough and I want you to open a window to my heart and know what I'm feeling... And I never realize that you have because the words are still pulsing through my head,

I love you!

I want to announce defiantly, as if I were a lone person standing on a cliff top with the wind raging against me whipping through my hair and the waves alike thunder beneath me, daring me to back down. If I can withstand a storm I can face anything, so I announce this time without the words feeling hollow,

"I love you!"

~beve

Written in Love

written in love just sold a kiss,
if you love me please answer this,
do you love me or do you not,
you told me once but I forgot,
so tell me now and tell me true,
so I can say I love you too,
of all the girls i've ever met,
you're the one I wont forget,
and if I die before you do,
i'll go to Heaven and wait for you,
if you aren't there by judgment day,
i'll know you went the other way,
i'll give God back his angel wings,
and wrisk the loss of everything ,
i'll go to hell to be with you,
just to say how much I love you.

~~~

Just reading that reminds me of how much a liar ElWin can really be. How dumb is it when he finally goes to KL, I'm in London? -_- And the other Elvin is going to Singapore I think after this year. The both of them can have nice lives. =_=

I have nothing to blog about !!! T^T I'd blog my fetus thing but I'm too lazy to go find the site.. OOH I found this really cute site just now on Robyn's laptop, but I have to search for it since I didn't remember the whole url ... Bleh.

I'm so bored! T^T But I'm really happy I have a three day weekend this week! That means I have no school tomorrow! =D But I have Biology test next week. T^T

I am so HUNGRY! Parent Teacher's Meet was yesterday! >_> VJ said I was "eccentric" but he's "getting used to it,slowly". =_= Has he never come across supposedly random people before ?! >_> ....

I need a bath la... But it's almost 1 am ! Too lazy... T^T Ooh did I say ?! I have a new jacket ! Wait, I should've said that already... Hmn. I want my camera fixeddd T^T Then I can take picturesssssssssssssssssssss.

Everyone, Hint hint: I need a camera that's fully functioning. =D XD

OOH you know?! Today there was the trial experiment before we do the real one for Biology, and Jamie was using liver for his experiment and it was soO gross looking. =_= All slimy, and red, and it looked EXACTLY like LIVER ! Nono, I mean the kind you see in Science text books, with the liver looking like a little pipe/stove thing... =.=" I saw the BLOOD... *wrinkles nose in disgust*

Jamie was mashing peas when I asked, "Why don't you mash the liver too?"

He said,"No I'm doing that next week, and I'm going to use the blender for the liver."

More wrinkling of nose in disgust ! I couldn't stop staring at it it was so captivating... =_= It was like this pulsating heart, just now. @_@ Omg if it were a heart, like the pig's hearts I saw months back, I'd die. =_= UGH, when Jamie said that I was like,

"Eww - You can't be serious!" - look of horror and disgust - "Then when you put it in the blender and press start all the blood will go splAtter! against the walls!"

"No, then you put the lid on."

"The walls of the blender."

"Then don't look."

"But it's human nature to look at something disgusting!"

Ada,"Oh come on, it's not that disgusting, it's not like it's a heart or something."

At this point of time my lip is bleeding slightly coz I bit it, and Ada goes,"EW you're licking your blood!"

=_= "You're telling me that-" I point at the liver and it's blood oozing out in all it's glory,"- is not disgusting, but you tell me this-"I point at my lip,"is disgusting? What is wrong with you ??!"

=_= Peh. Pfft. =_=

Moving on, moving on. =_=

Michael, who joined our class for the day coz he missed his last class in his own group, accidentally dropped an apparatus, and got a little reprimanding from Gemma. But then while he was walking towards the water baths, he dropped it and broke it! Following the smash of glass was silence from each and every one of us. Gemma's face was literally all red, and I wondered with a bit of intrigue how a person's face can get red so fast. She said,"What did I tell you just now - I asked you to be careful." She went off to get a dusting thing and we all broke out in chuckles, half nervous.

It was towards the end of the class Gemma told Jamie to try cut up the liver and mash it up too to just try it out for the experiment, so he would know what to do when the real experiment takes place. Jamie now had this look of repulsion on his face, and I remember feeling thankful that for this Bio coursework everyone's doing a different experiment therefore a different piece of coursework, and that I chose something not to do with blood or liver. *feels disgusted all over again*

So, LOL, Jamie was prodding away at this elastic thing called LIVER - why does it have such an ugly name? - and trying to cut it, but he couldn't so he asked, "Can someone hold this end up for me?" We all just stared at the very exposed liver and no one wondered who would volunteer. And Ada was like,"Oh come on, it's not that big a deal, look I'll hold it up for you -"

SHE PICKED IT UP!

O_O

We were all in AWE...... XD Then when Jamie was still squirming hesitantly and hadn't had time to go back to his liver surgery, Hollie said,"Ugh, men. Cowards." LOL it was so funny, all the guys normally act with all bravado and try to piss teachers off but when it comes to liver cutting - xD

So Jamie dawdled some more! XD And when he tried sawing away at it again and it didn't come off, Hollie said, "Ugh, come I'll do it for you -" She picked up the liver as if it were a pencil, "- Honestly," she sawed away at it and sliced off a piece @_@, "- Men. Such cowards."

Yep yep.

Men. Such cowards. Heh.

XD Jk, jk. Only some are cowards, howzat? =D

~beve

Hi everyone! I'm sorry about such a delay in posting, and right now its almost 7 am. I spent sO long trying to get the stupid html right, and I'm too tired to want to edit the post now, so I'll do it later after I come back from college or something.

Tis blog is best viewed in IE, so if you can don't use Firefox!

I'm going to sleep. T^T Bye!

~beve

- 10.34pm -

DEDICATIONS!

I hope I don't miss out anyone, so if I've told you I'd include you and I haven't, please tell me and I'll edit it! There are so many people to remember to thank if I forget someone it's not that I think you're unimportant, it's just that I thought I wrote you in already. Meh. *winces*

I'd like to thank everyone in this post, the people who've wished me before my birthday for a valid reason, and on my birth date itself, for remembering or caring enough to wish me happy birthday. I'm also thankful to those who wished me past the date, because without some of you out there, I wouldn't be the person I am. Mean, nasty, and sarcastic. XD Whatever lah, go find your name! XD

The sections are divided into:
~The People Who Threw Me a Party
~Real-Life Friends
~People from WMS
~Family
~Online Friends
~Kbox Forummers
~Other Special Dedications

..::The People who threw me a Party::..

For Janice and her family:
Thanks Aunty! Really really didn't expect it. So surprised! I was like O_O and wth?!?! xD Too surprised! Aiya, you know what my thanks is la =P nothing to say to you now xD Btw, when can we go Korean food? XP OH you know my friend in college just now told me she loved the skirt, and then I told her you gave it to me as my present! Haha! =P I'm so glad I didn't pick out any clothes for you xD I would've got it all wrong @_@ XD

For Sean:
A little bit of a weird present, but thanks anyway! Haha! Er... a little... 'weird' to admit but... xD Do you still have the receipt for the belt? I don't wanna wear it on my head, I wanna wear it on my hips, and it's kinda.... eehhh. =_=

..::For Real-Life Friends::..

For Kid:
Hey Kid! Thanks for remembering my birthday! ! Chee Haur didn't remember, but nothing new right, he's got his gf and more immediate friends in KL. Heh. Thanks la you! Dun need to get me a present, k? =P Your wish is enough. =)

For Michelle Ho: Thanks for remembering my birthday! I honestly didn't think you would remember. I was really surprised when you did! Thank you! I promise I'll try to get your shirt back to you as soon as possible.

For Jenny Boy:
HEY SPOODY! Thanks for YOUR wish! Bah, I'm getting so tired of saying thanks to everyone individually. T^T And my little finger is getting so tired of pressing the Shift Key all the time, but since I'm more grateful than I am tired, I shall persevere! Thanks spoody again, for the wish! Don't forget my birthday! xD So you can wish me next year. Btw, TRY to spell SPOOD right please. >_> It's an insult to my vocabulary. xD

For Ada, Sam and Mawi:
Thanks for the card Ada! I miss you Sam, you should go back to DLD! T^T Thanks for the birthday hug! Haha! And Mawi gave me a kiss! It felt a little wet but I'm going to pretend that was the rain on my cheek coz I might be paranoid. xD

For Don:
I can't believe I met you in KLCC when you were doing donating work ! Haha, good luck la you in getting your girl, and thanks for the wish !

For Shaira:
Thanks to you too! I hope you have a good time in Aussie (that’s where you are right, ehh... @_@) or was it Nz? Well wherever it is, thank you and good luck!

For Eric, SK2:
Uncle !!! I remember last year when we were crapping and competing for testimonials xD now this year it's like.... Bleh.... LOL. The guy who's bday is 10 days behind mine. Thank you for your wish ! I thought you wouldn't have cared even if friendster reminded you. Thank you! Tell your bro I said hi ok? =D

For Neo Flizzy:
Thanks for being the wonderfully weird and dota-challenged human pet! You're so funny when you're trying to flame people and spark flames everywhere, and you cheer people up good too. I remember that time when I was freaking. It was great meeting you, we should do it again ! .. ? Haha ! *pats head*

For Aunty Jules:
Aunty Jules! Did you get my birthday wish!? Meh, I hope you got it. Thanks for you birthday wish! Scorpions united! Hahaha xD I hope most of your wishes come true! (since we know that not all will come true) I only have on request. If ever you get married, make sure I can attend the wedding! =P

..::People from WMS::..

For Tarrant:
Thanks you ! I didn't really expect you to write me a testimonial, but thanks! You remembered, had time, made time, and wished me! Unlike Thomas. -__- But I digress. Thanks for caring!

..:: For the Family::..

For Mummy:
Thanks mummyyyyy x3 I know you won't see this but don't worry la! If I die before you do I'll make sure to leave it in my will about this post. Hehe xD You're so generous this year, I promise I'll try to do the best I can in my studies. Make you proud mahmee!

For Daddy:
Daddy thanks for the wish, I know you don't have time to remember our birthdays, and even forget your own sometimes. The only person's birthday you remember is mummy's, and I have but one request from you for my birthday. *adopts whining tone* Please come with me to Parent's Teacher's Meet on Wednesday instead of Mummy, she's gonna take all the minor bad things the teachers say and times that by 4, divided by 2 then exaggerate by 7 again. But if it was you, you'd just say in your rumbly rough voice, "Good job Beverly, try to work harder okay?? But GOOD JOB Beverly, we're really proud of you."

For Robyn:
Thanks for not being irritating or fussy today, I suppose there's still hope for you yet. =P There's still hope for our family! We'll smack the little rotten princess into shape, bwahahhaa xD I'm so mean la, okok, thanks Robyn for... for... for not fussing. =_= And not stealing the chocolate off my cake. And not pinching at the cake with your grubby self-claimed clean fingers. ..... Have I nothing nice to say? =_="" Thanks Robyn, for being Robyn. .... Some times. .... Bleh. Can't say I didn't try. =_=

For Max:
Thanks Maxybong for being the pushover little brother you are! =P Haha, I'm sorry for being so bossy on you. But please try to be more careful. And I think you should try to eat more healthy foods - your farts are doing hell on my nose. @_@And thanks for being one of the best little brothers there are! And you already know why I regard you with this position so... I won't say it here...

..::For Online Friends::..

For Lilz:
Thanks for the wish dear! We haven't talked in ages, I was starting to wonder if you had forgotten me! I hope you have a nice holiday in KL! Remember! If you find any cute guys, intro them to me! Hahaha ! =P

For Gary:
Thanks for the laughs. I appreciate it when you try to cheer me up, or talk to me for the heck of it, or when you try to rationalize to my doubting head, and make me see sense. =D I appreciate it. =) Thank you!

For Ace:
Wind ! Why la you still haven't followed the kite all the way here.... xD Thanks ar!

For Kevy bro:
Thank you too for being my bro for so long! We've known each other for about... five, six years? Wow, that's long! @_@ Thank you for being there for me! I remember the card you sent me once for Christmas. I think I still have it somewhere in KL. I like that card! Thank you! Good luck in NS!

(OMG I have 35 more minutes until my birthday is over! NUUUUUU T^T OLDNESS.)

..::For Kbox Forummers::..

For Yoga:
Thanks Yoganess for cheering me up, entertaining me, and helping me calm down! You're really nice, and I'm glad we started talking! Haha ! Don't forget you owe me 2 and a half trips to the beach! Plus a present xD

For Sonicsizer:
Thanks for the wishes! Thanks for being a great player at minesweeper! Ahaha, you really helped me waste time, and thanks for caring enough to wish me. =)

For Zircon, Agnes, Peach and karipop, Qikibulat, David and Uncle Wolves:
I know we don't talk and normally we're just another random person on the forum, but thanks for wishing me! And for the few times we’ve chatted, thanks for being a great conversationalist! Haha! =) And to karipop, whoever you are, thank you! =D And the same for qiki! Haha, I really thank you for caring enough too to wish me! David, thanks for the 'surprise' lol. It was a little unexpected. =) And Uncle Wolves! You knew about it but didn't tell me! Terrible la you! Lol! But thanks anyway xD If you hadn't kept your silence I would've been quite irritated with you. =P

For Vinny:
Haha, we had quite some arguments huh? ^^" But still good la, friends right?? Haha! Kinda weird, we've known each other since I joined kbox! Well according to you la... I'm really not too sure, I don't remember! But I remember that everyone was saying eventhough you're so 'old' you act like some little boy. =P But thanks for not dissing me in the end, and I'm glad we're still friends! =3 I hope we get to know each other better in the future!

For Panda Devince:
Ok, as of today, I shall and will try to call you Panda or something. I'm sorry for our arguments, heh, @_@, and thanks for not isolating me completely and wish me happy birthday! I really appreciate it! =) Thank you!

For Joycey and Pdot:
Thanks for the wishes you guys! I'm sorry for any of the mean things I've done, and I appreciate your remembering me on my birthday. =) I hope Joycey will one day get the courage not to run away, and Pdot get the social skills required to live a life. =P Lol, sorry xD lemme put it in a nicer way. I hope Joycey will one day know how to respond to unexpected expected situations, and Pdot learn the ways to respond to different people.

For Uncle Rocky:
I appreciate it when you make me laugh all the time! Thanks for the wish, and being a friend Mango Ais !

For Benson:
Thanks for the video! As always, your videos and songs, games, are the best. Haha ! No one else supplies me with as many links as you do! xD Thanks for being a friend, thanks for caring. =)

For Adnmonkey:
Thanks for your wish! I totally didn't expect it!

..::Other Special Dedications::..

For Market Kevin:
Thanks for the necklace you sent 2 months early! XD I can't believe you really remembered my bday lah xD now I can't say, "You forgot my birthday too! So I should be forgiven for forgetting yours!" Lol! Thanks for being around! You owe me a looooot of sweets btw. =P

For Yanda:
Yaaaaaanniiieeee!!!! We've known each other like a week, and already I have sO much to talk about with you! Haha! We have so much in common I really never thought it would be like that. I'm so glad I asked for your msn on Audition =P and we started talking. I find it amazing that I can talk forever on anime and manga and not get bored! Well, not all the time la. Hehe. =P Thanks for the wish! Everyone, he sent me an sms this morning saying,

"Bev, otanjoubi omaedato (happy birthday in jap) :P"

He was really nice and sent me an sms of pacifying words before that regarding my panickey self - which briefly made me think after reading it a few times, "He can console me, he knows it's my birthday but he doesn’t even wish me? Wth... xD" But minutes later he sent me that birthday wish. =) I'm not quite sure why he's got a special dedication but I think it's because I like talking to him. =3

For the Girl who sent me an email Card, Terri:
OMG I love you Terrii!!!!! T^T I'm really touched that you're one of the few people doing SPM who really remembered or cared enough to send me that email. Very big thanks to you! *plants a huge kiss smack on Terri's lips* haha xD your first lesbian kiss. Look what Terri did for me! (There was only a slight edit to this picture, and I will replace it with the original one once I'm sure that no one will read this post anymore.)

For Jonathan, the guy who's birthday is the same as mine:
Thanks, you! It's so cool la that we have the same birthday! Up until last year I didn't have anyone with the same birthday as mine. And it's cool knowing you, eventhough the only thing that really bonds us together and keeps us as friends is the fact that we have the same birthdate! I hope we get to know each other more in the future!

For Evy:
Thanks Darling!!! I really appreciate your card! I'm glad I met someone like you. You're a really nice friend. =D Eventhough we don't know each other a lot, I'm sure we'll find out more as time passes. We definitely will go shopping when I come back! Then I can see your 'style'! But I hope you don't get embarrassed with me, since my dressing isn't really anything ... proper.. @_@ and you might be embarrassed to be around me. Haha. XD And thanks for the e-card! The last part is the funniest ! I really like it! Hee ! =D

http://www.hallmark.com/ECardWeb/ECV.jsp?a=5416182100046M144976818Y&product_id

For Kenickey:
Kenickey I'm sooo sorry I'm sUch a mean person. T^T I conclude as of this minute, most of the time I'm a meaner person than you are. And please forgive me for being so annoying at times, and keeping you awake and not being able to study and and and other stuff.... =P I'm really happy you just smacked my ego and self-centred opinion down and showed you at least somewhat cared. Meh. Thanks a lot Kenickey!

For Ah Wai:
A lot of my thanks goes to you, for being there to cheer me up, tahan me, tolerate my moods, and I thank you for forgiving me, for being a person with a pacifying attitude, a sensitive enough personality to pick out a girl's attitudes and to have enough sense in that head to be able to smack me down to my senses when I need it. I'm sorry for all the times I've been irritating, and I'll try not to be over-irritating 10001 times, and just 10000 like you said, and..... meh. Just... thank you! I sent you an sms just now coz I felt really touched by your efforts to wish me, but you didn't get it and this is basically it: mmmmMMMMMuuuaaaAAAAXXXXXxxxxx ~!!!!!!

And last but not least, The Girl who Sent Me My Present, BEE BEE!:
BEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *HUGS* Thanks for the Monokuroboo present!! =D And thanks for sending my earrings back too. xD But you know what T^T I've discovered that I can't put the earrings on and so wasted RM50 on it. How stupid am I ?! T^T Nvm lah, I'll give it away as presents or something. XD Thanks darling !!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I used to wonder when I read the appreciation dedications to people on fictionpress.com, who helped review authors' work. Now I know why people can repeat so many 'thank you's' without being bored. Coz if I were reading it with no background as to why they can repeat the same words with the supposed same meanings over and over again, I'd be so bored! But while typing all those out, everytime I said 'thank you' a little scene would play in my head, the reason why I'm thankful to that person.

So I'd like to say THANK YOU to everyone in general and I'M SORRY for every stupid thing I've ever done to harm any of you. Please forgive me!

*HUGS AND KISSES FOR EVERYONE!*

My wish to be remembered finally came true! Granted, a few people who I'd've at least liked to have wished me despite having SPM didn't, but nvm lah.

And to the some of the people who wished me after my birthday:
For Pumpkin:
Thank you little pumpkinnnnn ! =3 ^__^ It was nice of you to remember! But I'm sure someone reminded you so… thanks for caring! Haha, I have no faith in people. xD You're the best little pet bro I could ever have. =D

And for Dreamer Grandpa Inoran:
Thanks for being really nice and supportive ! I think you're really funny xD and that you should also meet Otaku Boy, Yanda. =P Thank you Grandpa!

THANKS EVERYONE!

And finally,

Happy Birthday to me!

Love,
beve

OH NO!!!! 19 MORE MINUTES UNTIL BIRTHDAY IS OVER! T^T

Edited:
For Ichitaka, mskGOD,icyheart, and Rin:
Thanks to you guys too! =D I love you too !!!!!! x3 <33

For those whose birthday isn't today, here's some song lyrics for you!

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!
(Music and Lyrics: Robert B. Sherman)

A very merry unbirthday
To me, To who?
To me, Oh, you!
A very merry unbirthday
To you, Who, me?
To you, Oh, me!
Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea
A very merry unbirthday to you!

Now statistics prove
Prove that you've one birthday
Imagine just one birthday every year!
Ah, but there are 364 uUNnnbirthdays
Preciselywhy we're gathered here to cheer!

A very merry unbirthday
To me? To you!
A very merry unbirthday
For me? For you
Now blow the candle out, my dear
And make your wish come truuueee,
A very merry unbirthday to you. !!!!!!!

- 8.07 pm -

Oh my poor feet, my poor, poor, aching feet.. It's been such a tiring day !

Not because it's my birthday today, but also because of workload and the tiring weekend I had. And since I'm always whining on and on about work, I'll ignore that for now and focus on my birthday !

Last Saturday, I was invited to Janice's surprise birthday party, and even though it was quite short, it was fun ! Haha, she kinda expected it though, knowing something was gonna happen, but didn't know what. Or to be precise, she didn't know it would involve me! Hee ! *dances gleefully*

But I had no idea I had even a surprise party planned out - completely ! Ok, it started like this ...*background starts to be wavy and shift to scene in past*

(Warning: I can't quite promise this will be interesting, since certain parts will only interest certain people, those involved.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She's tired, and in college, because she's got some Art work that needs to be done and is due on Monday, and she's not in a very good mood because she only went to sleep at 6 am, and woke up at 10 instead of 9, to get ready for college. After spending a few hours there sketching and stoning a little, Beverly's subjected to wait for Sean to come pick her up to take her back to Janice's place, where she, her family and Sean stays, since he rents out a room.

By the time he comes, he's about half an hour past the time he said he'd be there, and she's pretty annoyed at having to wait for so long because she wanted to see Janice a whole lot earlier, and now she would have to wait until 11.30 because Janice has gone off to work. It didn't help that earlier that morning when she was busy ranting away to Kenickey he suddenly sparked a topic that turned out to be a very provoking argument.

He'd said, "Yeah, I forgot everything about you, I have stml, short term memory loss, you forgot ar? -.- I forgot your bday, your age, what subjects you're taking, the only thing I remember is 'beve'." And considering that what Beverly wanted for her birthday was to be remembered, she found it pretty mean to have those sentences slapped and rubbed across her face.

Because of that, in addition to having to wait for Sean, she was completely moody for almost the whole day. She didn't hold anything against him because before he came to fetch her he was having dinner with his friend, and it would have been inconsiderate if she'd scolded him for not coming earlier and not rushing dinner with his friend, especially when he was the one picking her up. She held her silence, and when questioned why moody, she refused to speak. It was quite nice of Yanda to entertain her through sms, although soon he had to go because he was reading manga and drowning out a continuous record of the Hi5 advertisement song with his music.

She could tell on the train journey that Sean had attempted a few times to make her smile, and he did, but the result was quite half-hearted. Sean's personality, leaning towards being more of the Chinese-y kind, has almost an ideology that karaoke is LIFE. He attempted to sing along with songs in Janice's laptop to entertain Beverly, who was sitting in the comfy chair in front of the lappie, black tights, red and black checkered skirt, with cute sheep socks. One of the few things that made her smile even the tiniest bit was when darling Uncle Wai Wai smsed and wished her an early birthday, with Evy darling sending her wishes too.

Then Aunty and Frank (Janice's mum and her mum's bf) came back, and started to sing karaoke after dinner ! It wasn't until Sean attempted to sing songs from the Grease musical did Beverly really start to laugh. Sean's version of Summer Nights was so lecherous sounding at some parts, you just had to laugh. Aunty Polly sang surprisingly well! Everyone tried getting Beverly to sing but she absolutely refused to, being the unsporting twit she is.

After that, Pirates of the Caribbean was put on while waiting for Janice's return, Sean was off to work and wouldn't be home until past 5 am, and Beverly felt that she could just close her eyes and fall asleep if she weren't careful enough to stay awake. She had to stay awake to be able to finish some of her Art homework later on - an observational life drawing of Janice !

When Janice did come back, Beverly was almost back in moody state. She was so happy to see Janice, and get her greeting kiss. Just thinking about it makes Beverly heart warm. So to end the uninteresting and uneventful day, Beverly and Janice spent the next few hours staring at each other, trying to draw each other, until 1 o'clock where they finally gave up because one drawing, although finished, didn't look like Beverly at all, and the other drawing was shaded too dark and was looking like a boy. (And still does to Beverly's opinion.) They spent two hours lying in bed chatting, with a lot of the conversation sidetracking back to the main source of Beverly's annoyance for that day, where Janice said he was just screwing with her mind, until finally she moved on because of, I can't quite recall why, but possibly because of a cute guy.

The next morning, Beverly woke up briefly to say, "Bye," to Janice who was off to her ice skating classes and she was back to bed. When she woke up, she had breakfast with Aunty and Frank, who went out soon after to see a customer, while she sat at the table watching Jumanji and reading the most interesting book on earth, The European Reformation 15somethingsomething to 16somethingsomething. I've only read a chapter in it, and I think it's a really useful book, I promise, it can cure insomnia. Beverly thinks I exaggerate though. Ok, to be honest, maybe it's not as bad as it is.

But I digress. So at some point in time, Sean decides to wake up and have chocolate biscuits for breakfast while watching Jumanji, both waiting for Queen Janice to come back. When she finally did, things went past in a bit of a blur, with Uncle Wolves wishing her Happy Birthday, calling her Beef again, and Janice saying that dinner was gonna be early today. Beverly faintly wondered why, since she knew they always had dinner around 10 pm or slightly earlier, but decided not to question against it.

They had stewed pork for dinner ! It was so delicious, Beverly was amazed at all the fat everyone else but Frank loved to eat. She watched Janice delightfully sucking on the tail, with a feeling of slight horror prancing about inside. When dinner was ending and Janice went off to get something from the car, Beverly was reluctantly picking at a piece of pork, too full to want to stuff herself. She'd had a big breakfast/lunch which consisted of many slices of bacon, two eggs, one hash brown and a sausage, plus glasses of drink.

Then suddenly from behind came this Thornton's cake, with a candle alighted on top ! Beverly didn't know how to react! I mean, if it were me, I'd be like, wth? Wth? What's going on !? This is for me? Me ?! Really?! But I didn't ask for this! Do I deserve it? >.< So that's exactly what she did. She thought, wth? Wth? What's going on !? This is for me? Me ?! Really?! But I didn't ask for this! Do I deserve it? >.< , all the time looking around quite stricken by silence and smiling pathetically, uncertain of what to do. She thought, This is the best birthday I've had for quite some time. She blew out the candle, cut the cake embarrassed, with two camera phones shoved in her face against her will and - come to think of it did they even sing the song? Bleh, it doesn't matter.

So she opened Sean's present first, and after the first layer of wrapping, Beverly wondered aloud if the present was under layers and layers of wrapping. So that's what he was doing when he kept on shouting out, "Busy! BUSY!" when she wanted him to go downstairs earlier to sing karaoke! It was quite a wasted effort since all the foldings were stuck on the same place and all Beverly had to do was undo the tape at one side, take the scissors handed to her by Janice, and cut the layers off. Poor Sean! Wasted effort. XD

He gave her a belt ! Which was kind of shiny and a little gaudy in her opinion, but still good enough anyway. Janice had mentioned to him that she thought Beverly wouldn't like it, but whether she did or not, obviously she wouldn't say. Janice's card was so well hand-made Beverly felt so embarrassed that her own homemade card was so pathetic. She cringes at the thought. Aunty gave a bought card, signed by Frank and Polly, which was actually quite nice too. Sean "didn't have a card" but a small greeting in folded paper, wishing me all the best in my studies. At that time he mentioned, "Your horoscope said that the 19th, today, would be your lucky day for Scorpios." She couldn't help thinking, Really? Well it's definitely lucky for me either way !

Aunty gave a little yellow bear that was bought from BBC Children's Charity fund, where Beverly found out later that the fundraiser wasn't funding children in need but the administrators instead.

It was karaoke time after dinner! Beverly finally just sang one song before resuming her drawing of Janice to go home. Sean sent her back, helping her carry her presents, and cake. It was a great weekend,

THANK YOU JANICE, AUNTY, FRANK AND SEAN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I arrived home I sorta shoved the cake in front of my mum's face and said, "Look! Thornton's cake! Now you can try!" And I started showing off my presents, and my mum was getting a little jittery with all the stars in my eyes and wanted to show me her present too. xD Robyn was being a little annoying, wanting my mum’s attention all to herself, but at least she didn't follow us when we proceeded upstairs. I tried on the skirt for my mum, and Janice, I can tell you she didn't quite like it, because the next morning only after seeing it with the rest of my ensemble for the day (yes I wore your skirt today, you should've come see me lah! Wasted! xD) she said, "Actually I'm surprised the skirt looks really nice, it matches with the colour of the boots, and I really like how the skirt is made, the shape is very nice." And I told her, "You know, Janice didn't know what to get for me she said, and spent at least 3 days shopping for me and when she finally decided on this skirt she'd tried it one and thought, 'This skirt quite nice la, can fit her ar? *measure measure* can fit me, can fit her la!"

Haha, Janice told me that when I commented that the size was kinda big! Then she said it wasn't coz it fit her, then I said it'd be too small then. But it fits! =D And I wore it todayyyyy. x3

Anywayz, after I'd finished gushing and showing off my presents, my mum pointed to a cake nearby with an orange wrapped present and a card from Aunty Yvonne. She'd given me another cake! @_@ She also gave me the original songs from the musical The Boyfriend, sung by Julie Andrews, star of The Sound of Music! Janice wanna burn ar? Lol, nvm la, shouldn't be encouraging piracy so publicly. XD

Last night I was in my room wondering aloud to my mum, "Mummy, where's the third cake Robyn was talking about just now? And the present you said you wanted to show me..." "There-" and she pointed at my feet when I'd just looked down at the same time. With this grin on my face I practically skipped over to the bed and peered inside and saw

TWO BEAUTIFUL FAIRY CAKES AND A PASTRY TART !

I tell you, I love birthdays sometimes, you get the bestest and sweetest foods. T^T Too bad I coudn't take pics of any of them - they've all been munched. X3

But aaaanyway, my mum wanted this big biiiig hug from me and said, "Actually that's the best hug you've given me in a long time since you never give me any hugs." So I said, "Don't worry I'll give you a better one when I turn 21 as a parting gift." Lol I'm so mean. xD

Anyway, I first took out these slips of paper held together by a pretty pewter book mark, and these were in actual fact vouchers that my mum made herself.

"This voucher entitles you to a meal at the Korean restaurant!"

"This voucher entitles you to a free pedicure - the Priscilla Treatment! Your jelly toes will benefit the best!"

=_= What the hell la, that voucher was more like to her benefit since she's always fascinated with how "jelly-like" my toes can be. Bah, I'm not gonna say anymore, this is a little dumb to talk about. =_=

There were two more vouchers, and then there was this pretty white box embroidered with blue flowers and a mouse. It was like a little stand, in which sat a reeeaaally cute fragile looking mouse, the same character on the box. T^T Normally I like huggable stuffed toys, but this one was so cute, so adorable, and so fragile looking you just wanna grab it and hold its arms and make it dance. Haha, it was so nice! ^__^

After that I bathed, watched Simpsons, went back to my History reading… Then I started to get really really panicky. I didn't want to grow up! And after so long I've finally figured out - it's not the age I'm worried about, growing older n such, but the fact that I've done nothing in my life, no personal achievements that I can be proud of! I mean, what if I die tomorrow and achieved nothing? I'd at least wanted to have bungee jumped off a cliff, and climb Mount Everest! Although, the sms from Uncle Wai Wai wishing me was simple and plain, but made me feel better coz I felt the sweetness behind it so I feel the love there. X3

I got so panicky T^T so I called Yoga, and while talking to him I was blogging also, and both this kinda helped me calm down. Of course, I should’ve been studying history, and because of this I had to wake up at 5 am the next day to continue my reading, do my Bio studying (which proved to be hopeless) and my Art sketchbook. He helped, so I also want to say

THANK YOU YOGA!

for being there. Haha. =) Rocky who wished me on msn while I was chatting away to Yoga also helped. Thanks Rocky! *hugs*

After I hung up I checked my phone and I got a message and a miss call from my dad. The sms said, "Happy Birthdayaroo Bungaroo from Daddybong." Don't ask about the terms, I won't bother explaining to you. =_= So I replied, "Haha, thanks daddybong. Mummy reminded you didn't she?" xD "Whaddodoo." LOL. My dad la. xD

By the time I went to sleep I was feeling much better, couldn't wait for my birthday to start, and although still feeling a little sore with Kenickey, found that I could push that aside and not care, thinking, "If he remembers to wish me Happy Birthday, I'll forgive him, if not, I can't be bothered to have conversations with him anymore." And guess who woke me up at 3.41 am ?! KENICKEY! And again, he was rubbing something in my face in defiance, but this time, it was,

"hapy 17th bday,n who say i 4got,i cn 4get ur ful name,bt nt ur bday."

Ahahhahaha xD I love him, he can be so sO nice. *hugs Kenickey* I'd hate to lose him as a friend, he's a really decent person.

Yannie (Yanda) was really nice and sent me an sms of pacifying words on my panicky feelings since I left a msg on his msn - which briefly made me think after reading it a few times, "He can console me, he knows it's my birthday but he doesn't even wish me? Wth... xD" But minutes later he sent me a birthday message which I will properly write about later in my dedications after this.

So otherwise you can guess what I did from 5 am onwards. Yoga called at 6.30 to wish me again, and when I went online briefly, Davidtcf wished me, and on the way to school I got an sms from Joycey wishing me too! I really thought he'd've forgotten me. @_@ But pdot remembered me too! And sent me a pm on kbox. Hehh...

Jenny Boy (jhcj) also wished me! It kinda made me wonder how strange it was that two people who cared enough about each other to wish them Happy Birthday, but after that forget because you're more indulged into your own life and caught up with more current events. Like I could be celebrating while he's at work slaving away and driving around town in his little four-wheeled vehicle...

I took some chocolate cake down to the barbers downstairs! They were really surprised! Haha, mummy told me later that even the 'unfriendly' one who hardly ever smiles, smiled at her today! For me, I told her, it made no difference coz they always seem to smile to me. But then when I was entering home finally after school was over, they both gave me these reeaally big smiles so I couldn't even guess which one was the unfriendly one! And they loved the cake. =3 yay!

In school, Ada gave me a card! I never expected her to do that, and I was pretty surprised she did - THANKS ADA! *huggles*

I was quite hyper in Maths class today too! I was feeling a little sore towards VJ coz of the Costa thing, but nvm lah. Leo wished me - he's 6 days older than I am! And we had quite a fun conversation at first, until Maths deadened our brains and eventually took over our minds and bodies and we felt so drowsy and sleepy... stupid VJ gave us 11 whopping big questions for us to do for Wednesday too. Fun, huh?

At home I went online, and got all these wishes from the forum people! After this I'll post a dedication to everyone who remembered me. Vinny's really nice I think, and he can look so pretty too. xD Haha, he's so cute la, especially with lipstick, blusher and a flowerclip placed in his hair with the help of Paint. XD

I also finally checked my email, and I found an email from Jonathan (Kim Loong) whose birthday also falls on the same day as mine! =3 He's the third person to greet me before the actual date who remembers my birthday without me having to remind him. What's there to remind anyway? XD We have the same birthdays! The first was Kevin, who sent me my birthday present two months early. XD Haha, a few minutes after I thought that I got a call from him! Speak of the devil! I told him, "If you didn't wish me today right I would've said to you, 'Ha! See? You forgot my birthday too!'" But too bad he did la xD Heh. I'm not complaining too much though. He got my a necklace which I have yet to wear. I will one day, I just kinda forgot all about it. *wince*

There were also other people who wished me early on, but they were reminded either one way or the other, so I don't really count them in.

I spent around one and a half hours after that searching for a winter coat for myself, and I went all the way to this shop on sale with my mum and found nothing, then went to Gap and only found one jacket that was remotely nice on me, and finally went to House of Fraser, which I must conclude once again that is the best because they've got so many brands in there you don't have to walk from store to store. We should've just gone there in the first place since my jacket ended up being from Roxy! I saw another winter jacket from Roxy and a red vest that I like, as well as a cotton jacket from Bench, but can't get la, too expensive. Sighh... all the more reason to get me a job.

When I came back just now Robyn was using the internet so I told her I wanted to use it. I was so surprised when she put up no fight at all and was gonna let me use it eventhough she just started! She was like, "It's your birthday, I won't make a fuss la." So sweeeet. T^T So I let her use it la, until now. Which is like...3 hours later. =.= then again I'm busy typing this out on Word. And when I saw Max watching TV, I decided to ask, "Max, you haven't wished me Happy Birthday." I munched on cake.

Max looked up and was all "*sigh* Happy Birthday."I had a hurt look on my face. "But Max, how come you forgot my birthday? Why Max, you hate me izzit?"

"No, I just had a lot of work to do."

=_= Watching TV a lot of work la. "But Max, you saw all these cakes here, you can remember to eat the cake, but forget to wish me?"

"(Haihhh.) .... I was busyyy."

"T^T Max, you don't love me is it? You hate me is it Max? Max don't you love me?" Very hurt look.

'I doo!"

"Then why you forgot to wish me? Why, Max? You don't love me?"

"I do la, Happy Birthday la, ok?"

XD Harassing my brother is so fun sometimes. "Sighh..."

Couldn't push it, didn't know what to say.

"But Max, you didn't even give me a hug."

Silence.

"Don't love me izzit, Max? Where's my hug?"

A smile has already appeared on his face.

"Where??" I pressed.

XD Grinning, a boy of 13 with the mentality of 9 stood up from the floor, came over, and hugged his sister. Haha ! XD Hehehehehee. xD I'm such a whiny sister sometimes. Heeeehhh. *gleeful* So..

What else? All the other stuff I got are minor so I can't include them here. But they're not so minor that they have to be left out, so I shall post that in my Dedications post now.

Love,
~beve

A Berry Happy Birthday Lyrics - Strawberry Shortcake

All: A berry happy birthday to you
A berry happy birthday to you
Smile a smile from ear to ear
Wish a wish to last all year
A berry happy birthday to you

Strawberry Shortcake: We've got juice, and we've got fruit
And the birthday girl who's berry cute
A berry happy birthday to you

All: A berry happy birthday to you
(A berry happy birthday)
A berry happy birthday to you
(A berry happy birthday)
Smile a smile from ear to ear
Wish a wish to last all year
A berry happy birthday to you

Huckleberry Pie: Have some cookies, have some cake
Party hats are fun to make
A berry happy birthday to you

Ginger Snap, Orange Blossom, Angel Cake: What's the party thing that's best
A merry group of friends for guests
A berry happy birthday to you

All: What a super duper day
Have some cake
And now, let's play
A berry happy birthday to you
(Happy birthday)
A berry happy birthday to you
(Happy birthday)
Smile a smile from ear to ear
Wish a wish to last all year
A berry happy birthday to you
(Happy birthday)
A berry happy birthday
A berry happy birthday
To you ~!

~

SO CUTE ! SUCH a cute song ! GO DOWNLOAD ! Hahahahaa x3

Seventeen

There are 31 more minutes as of this sentence before I am

SEVENTEEN.

And I won't post this until after my birthday to see who remembered me. I am trying so sO hard not to panic. I'm growing older ! I don't WANT to grow older. It's not the fact that I'm going to be old, it's not the age I'm concerned about, I know that's just a number, but it's about the fact that I've achieved nothing in my whole 17 years of life.

When I was 15, I didn't panic as much I think, but I went through what I call mid-teen crisis, and I was still worried that I've done nothing. I mean, I wanted to write a short fic by 16 or 17, and at 15 I thought I still have 24 months to do that. And now that time period's over, and I haven't even bungee jumped, or joined an essay writing competition and won. It's not about what I'm supposed to achieve, it's about what I want to achieve.

Yoganess is currently on the phone with me, and he's trying to help me to calm down - so far it's working, a little. All I'm doing is avoiding looking at the time so I don't feel scared again.

I'll blog about my weekend after this, or tomorrow after school. My brain's suddenly gone blank.

~beve

If you remember what day it is, tag my board !

My wish is

to be remembered

and so far this weekend's proved that so far! I'm really happy about this year! I got what I wished for, and the people who care remembered.

And just that fact that YOU, the person reading this blog, remembered me enough to come on to this blog whether or not to see my whines, complaints, rants, happy ramblings, etc, tag my board to show me that you did ! Or you can just contact me at +447733455785.

LOVE! *HUGS*

THANKS EVERYONE! (I shall blog about my weekend after this.)

~beve

I HATE HTML CODES.

CAN ANYONE HEAR THE BLOG SONG ?

~BEVE

I have a vague feeling I posted the last post before. o.o

~beve

Oh well.

~On The Good Ship Lollipop~

On the good ship Lollipop
It's a sweet trip to a candy shop
Where bon bon's play !
On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay.

Lemonade stands everywhere
Crackerjack bands fill the air
And there you are !
Happy landings on a chocolate bar.

See the sugar bowl do the tootsie roll
With the big bad devil's food cake!
If you eat too much,
Ooh, ooh ~ !
You'll awake with a tummy ache!

On the good ship Lollipop
It's a night trip into bed you hop
And dream away
On the good ship Lollipop !

~~~

One of my favourite songs! Hahaha, guess why ? X3

~beve

I will review the Peter Pan in Scarlet, but not now, because I have no mood for it. But I promise I will, unlike all the other times I say I'll blog about something but never do because I realize later on the inspiration's gone or I can't be bothered and it's too uninteresting.

My week has only gotten in a very miniscule way, better, but that's really only slightly comforting. It kinda sucks that my birthday is now nothing special to be celebrated about, especially when I'm away from the people who actually care about celebrating it with me (not to say there aren't people here who care) but you get my point. Bleh, I suppose it doesn't matter either way, I can just make up for it when I come back for the summer.

Annie, the maid, has been having headaches and pain in her feet. Now I know why flat-footed people don't have to go for NS ! It was BB or Terri who said something about that right, that if you have flat feet you don't have to go? According to my aunt, it's something to do with the body's weight and support, and that as you grow older, the pain becomes more pronounced. But. If my maid decides to go back to KL to work instead, which means that she'll be having the time of her life back at home, that means I'll have a clean home to return to next summer! <--- My first thought.

My second thought was,"Then I'll lose weight!" Because there won't be anyone to cook, and although my mum does, I highly doubt she'll bother to cook as much. And because of this, I won't have lunch waiting at home for me during school hours, or just not as much, I can't have breakfast if I want something cooked - none of us get up early enough to care - it will be a TOTAL LACK OF FOOD! I'd be half surprised if we last more than 3-5 months.

My third thought,"I'll have my own keys to the house!" So I don't have to wait for people to open the door, or worry after two minutes of ringing that no one is in.

Fourth thought,"No one to help me clean my room or desk!" LOL I'm so lazy I know, but I just love having all my things scattered around, especially around my bed. I don't like it though when my desk gets messy coz then I can't find any notes and I waste such valuable sleeping time which I know won't use to sleep anyway even if I had time, by searching for notes. I hate having junk around my bed now, only because I'm sharing a room with the Little Pig (Robyn), and there's like this invisible line I can't cross. It's funny, it just came to me that Pig takes up the first half of the room, L-shaped, closest to the door. The other L half that's mine, is the space below my bed, furthest away from the door. Does that make sense? XD

I did quite well in my Pure Maths test I think, I got 83%, and for Mechanics, I got 90% ! So happy. x3 I'm starting to like Maths again, hahaha. x3 (-_- This is prolly gonna be short lived T^T) I'm so dumb, I coulda gotten 99% if I hadn't been so stupid as to replace the numbers wrongly! BAH. >_>

I hate homework. Art homework is the WORST. Granted, you choose the subject matter you want to study, but it's the one that requires SO MUCH CREATIVITY and so much TIME you really can't cheat your way out of it. If you do a half-assed job, it shows. My creativity levels are so low. Sigh. Sketchbooks due on Monday! SCREWED. Mine sucks. Have to work on it tonight. Sigh.

But thinking about it, I really don't have a lot of homework to do tonight! Actually yesterday I forgot I actually had more homework than I remembered to record in my head, so I was rushing to copy the class before. Heh.

I dunno why though, but since I've promised myself that I won't come online msn so much or just blab and spam on forums, I've been feeling more hardworking! I actually want to start my homework two hours earlier than the normal time! (Normal time is midnight) I think I got fed up of waking up at 6 am, going back to sleep and procrastinating until 7 to start on work.

This morning I woke up at ten! I completely FORGOT to wake up at 9, and almost hadn't had time to do my Biology. @_@ I did it in 15 min anyway, just before the class. T^T I hate copying (lol I can't believe I'm saying this) it just makes me feel ultimately stupid, forgetful, lazy, and useless. Plus, the rushing is really not good for my health. I am hibernating for ten months and have been since September, and will stop by the 29th June '07. BECAUSE when I come back for summer I'm going to need all the STRENGTH I can get to go out and play! Hahahahaha! =D

Yoga is really nice to talk to btw. It's funny I never really realized until now. Lol. We were just ignoring each other until one day he decided to acknowledge my existene. xD I'm glad he did though, our conversations can be quite entertaining! We've made a date to go to a beachy place one day, and I think it would most probably be PD.

Anyone wanna come? =D

~beve

p.s. Because I've been rushing back and forth so much lately, the toenail on my right little toe was like gonna come off, and I just prodded it and poked and jabbed and twirled until it twisted off. >_> It was a little painful. x_x

P.P.S. OH I FORGOT TO SAY! I've updated a few links to people's blogs. o_o

LOL ! I just met this guy off Audition, and he's been telling me that he's fat, and so I felt the superficiality coming on and after awhile of keeping quiet I wanted to know how fat.

I showed him this pic:



And Yanda said,"He's definitely fatter than me. Hmm, he's like 1.5 timex my size i think :P"

So I was like, okay... And the rude superficiality was starting to feel relieved. (I'm so embarrassed I'm really such mean a person *hides*)

Then I showed him this pic:



And I was like,"This I consider chubby, but then I don't think he's that chubby anymore, and also the angle makes him look fatter." Pause - "So? Fatter or slimmer him you?"

"He's fatter than me too. :P"

What crap la !

How dare he call himself fat then !

"Well among my friends I am."

Bah, his friends are skinny =_= How is this a fair comparison >_> And just earlier he was saying,"Don't expect to see a handsome guy ok in photos ok =P"

Then he sent me a video on youtube that was actually quite funny xD here go help yourself out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-69DQDCWr1s&mode=related&search

Really lah, that useless bugger. =_= Another crap talker found in the world xD

But since I had to go through photobucket to find those photos I just posted above, I saw this one as well.



It brought a smile to my face. =)



~beve

Bah, I've been having such a bad week.

Me and my stupid mouth.

Me and my stupid brain.

On the plus side, I have got my Peter Pan in Scarlet book and shall do a review later.

I also had my Maths test today which involved one chapter I had no understanding of until last night where I stared at questions without solving any for about an hour which I know I aced, and have probably no wrongs. I passed it up without checking coz I thought I'd have a History test after (but it turns out we didn't - added stress I don't need more of in the past week) and VJ (teacher) was like,"Are you sure you don't wanna check?" I was pretty sure and had to study my History so he was like,"What about if I give you detention if you get wrongs?" I paused then went ahead with it, since it was better than failing History, an area where I have almost no hope in anymore.

Bah.

Badweekbadweekbadweek.

~beve

OH I FORGOT - !

So bloody stupid. I was too busy being depressed over that idiot I forgot to be happy.

I BOUGHT A NEW BOOK JUST NOW when I went to get my History books.

PETER PAN IN SCARLET The Official Sequel! I am going to get started on it tonight.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *ecSTATic*

~beve

p.s. YAY !!!! hahaha screw him lah XD

I give up. -_-

I'm not gonna bother with msn anymore, or most of the idiots on msn.

If I come online it's because I want to talk to certain people, or email, or download manga and watch videos.

He once said that if I were in KL, and if I were born in a certain year he'd appeal to me more than the others he'd just listed. But now he's forgotten that comment, has no reason to remember it, and has -

o.o

G'nite

~beve

Here's my real post for today:

I think I harbour many sad feelings. Towards people. *blink*

It's lucky I'm stoned most of the time. =_=

~beve

Messages I tried to send telepathically to people:

For Kenickey:
Good luck for your finals! I hope you get good grades. So that in the future we can go out and have a great time! I promise I'll try to make the first date fun. XD Haha, but you gotta try too! Don't be quiet ok ?! And we'll have korean bbq, go to the arcade, and you can come over and I'll teach you how to play the piano ! And one weekend let's go to Genting so I can go on the rides again... Solero Shot - Banana, you up to it?? *wiggles eyebrows n challenges* Wakakakaka

For Sgang:
Hey you know what I have a proposition let's start sending emails to each other - like in the chatbook! Except that when we write an email, it's addressed to two people instead of one - so let's say I write the first email and send to both of you, then you guys write back and send to the other two.... Gah, I dunno, we can work it out as the process goes along.

For 4mot:
I MISS YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS T^T good luck for SPM la you idiots. XD Let's meet again when I come back! And this time we'll take our first neoprints as a gang together! xxoo

For Thomas:
YOU PIG TOMATO YOU get yer fat ass OFF YOUR CHAIR and tell your mum to book the ticket ! >_> I'll kill you myself if you don't come over for Christmas. T^T IF YOU END UP GOING TO AUSSIE NEXT YEAR DO YOU KNOW HOW HEART BROKEN I'LL BE ?! I won't get to see you for like SEVEN YEARS!!!!! T^T

For Uww:
Cheer up, uncle! I still love you! *huggles* It's weird when you're the one not in the mood >< Normally I'm the one like that, and then you cheer me up.! I feel like a failure when I don't even get you to crack a ghost of a smile. (You sorta remind me of me or girls when we're PMSing or having our periods and suddenly for no reason we go into a mood. -.-) It's not normal for you to be moody/sad/depressed. You're the one who pacifies people and comforts them with a "wth" look on your face! I miss it.

For me:
Don't lose your temper, don't lose your temper, don't lose your temper.......

~beve

P.s.

What is UP with these seasons?!

It's winter now I'm sure of it, but it's like AUTUMN ! And when it's spring, it's like WINTER! And when it's summer it's like SPRING! So that when autumn comes, there's a heatwave like it's supposed to have in SUMMER! What is going on ?!!?!?

P.p.s

I like what I wore today. It's simple.

P.p.p.s.

Have I mentioned that if I combine three Roxy tops I have together (which will make me look fat coz the outermost layer is bIg), they're the Sgang colours?

P.p.p.p.s.

I'm going to finish watching The Perfect Match now!

P.p.p.p.p.s.

I feel sad the Wacky Brothers will no longer be going to DLD anymore after December.

P.p.p.p.p.p.s.

~beve

I don't believe it ! Why don't I ever remember anything between Friday 4.40 pm (last class ends) and Sunday 5 pm ?!

If I did, I wouldn't have to panic and rush last minute. If I wrote down stuff, I wouldn't have to bother remembering homework. If I think like the rest of my class, I'd realize that there'd be no History test today at 8.50 am this morning because everyone's still at HOME SLEEPING ! With their hangover from Saturday night ! ~ Wth..... -.-

WhhyYYYyyyyyYYyyYyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ............ ?!?!?!??!!

Gahhhhhhh my family is full of FARTS. @_@ I think my nose has lost so many of its receptors. T^T IT'S SO STINKYYYYYYY T^T

I digress.

Yesterday I made green tea ice cream ! It was fantasticccc T^T Let me teach you how!

First you get the yolk of an egg and empty into the blender. Then you get about half a cup to two thirds of a cup of milk and add in with the egg! And the secret ingredient..... The SUPER DUPER GREEN TEA ICE CREAM POWDER ! (I suggest you don't try tasting it because it tastes like nothing =_= Ask the idiot who tried. T^T

Then you BLEND IT ! And if you look into it it looks like a swirly mass of foamy green.... @_@ Blend for about 1 minute ! And then stick a spoon in and see if it's thick enough for you. When you're done, scoop it out and leave it in the fridge! For at least 2 hours. That's what the box said. But I leave it in there for ten. >_> And I hope the winter season really warms it up, EH ?! I mean cools it down. @_@ I mean freezes it ! No wait - solidifies it ? @_@ .... Well you get my point.

Oh that reminds me! During the free period before tutor period today I was telling Abdullah about my manga idea/plot we could use ! And this stupid Amir just started to irritate me (not in a bad way) and made me go all =_____= .................

Then he started creating his own plot that sounded like two korean drama's put together and a korean music video ! (Think of Winter Sonata and Stairway to Heaven or something, and the music video, think of Kiss - Because I'm a Girl) =_= And just when I was about to give up, the Wacky Brothers (twins) came ! >_> And they in turn was gonna start harrassing me too - WHY DO THEY LIKE DOING THAT ?! - they like me to feel like this :

SO MEAN~! >_> But no matter! I try to get back at them as much as possible! >_> Bwahahahahaha. BWAHAHHAHAHAHHAA. BWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH !!!!!!

But then Wacky Bro 2 (the elder one) said,"No it's ok it's ok, I support Beverly (Amir,"What?!") because she looks like she's going to cry -" XD Those useless buggers. Wacky Bro 1 cut his hair and I was stupid enough to say,"OMG You cut your hair !!!!" And he was like,"No I didn't cut my hair my hair just grew shorter overnight." =_= Kill joy.

There's a stupid Maths test AGAIN on Thursday, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SCORE IF I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHAPTER SIX ?! Ugh.... *dies*

~beve

I shall update previous posts later. (Note to self: finish started fic) (another note to self: try to remember which previously started fic)

I shall tell you what I did today. =D

I watched Simpsons last night ! I find that as the series progresses, it's funniness is lost.

I finished the Boys n Girl manga series. This is so depressing seriously, because I wish it wasn't over. T^T The girl is drawn like some tiny doll, and the guy is super tall with huge broad shoulders (is reminded of the comment BB made when she saw Rei and Kira kiss in MARS - "They're a couple ?! They look like siblings !") but even so, the girl's really sweet and the guy's such an idiot it's really so cute. >< I could read about them forever. Sigh. The manga is five volumes long (or so I have succeded to see and d/l) and is about this girl who moves from Tokyo to live with her dad. At first she's really psyched, she'll be living with her dad and her little brother Masaki again, but then she finds out that her new home is this little one storey 'hut' beside a boys dorm ! With 222 guys living inside, and Tennoji as their leader.

It all starts off as an accident between them happens, and Tennoji steals her doll away and uses it to bribe her to do their laundry for her, polish the basketballs, clean their rooms.... But when the seniors want to take advantage of her as well, he butts in and says,"She's my slave. She serves me." The boys are like little cats, and they pretend to be too with their cries of,"Miao, miao," when they're being perverted and have this lecherous look on their face. Aria gets disgusted with Tennoji most of the time especially when he's being lecherous and was selling his body (but he had a good reason to) added in with the fact that he always refers to her as,"Ugly girl!", but always knows that it's no big deal and takes it back whenever he steps in in time to save her. The 222 guys are really cute because they pick on her all the time and just ignore her whenever she's pissed off or anything but it's like she has a harem all of her own since every single opportunity they get they say,"Little Aria!" because she's so tiny. She gets angry with them everytime they trick her and use her but she knows they care inside.

Like the time when there was 'King and Queen"(something like that) competition and the prettiest girl in the school was expected to win along with Tennoji, Aria won instead by 222 votes! She found it coincidental that 222 votes was the same number of people who lived in the boys dorm next door, so she ran off crying to find Tennoji because she thought it was just some practical joke for her when they started calling out happily,"Ugly girl! Little ugly Aria!" when she won. The 'prettiest' girl got angry and left Aria in a shed to cry because she knew if in 10 minutes Aria didn't claim the title, she would. But inside the store room was sleeping Tennoji and she accused him of setting her up and getting the rest of the boys to vote for her. "You got them to make fun of me! I can't win - because.. *uncontrolled sob* because I'm really ugly!" But he was all manly *sighs dreamily*, frowning, scratched his head and said,"I voted for you, I didn't tell anyone else to vote for you. It's not my fault if it's a coincidence that 221 other guys voted for you." Pause. Heartfelt moment. "You're not ugly. You're pretty." And she runs crying into his arms. >< And then they start racing to the stage to claim their prize and the 'prettiest' girl is angry because she saw no point in winning if Tennoji wasn't her partner. But they came just in time! And finally on stage, he claimed the trophy, had this cat-face look and suddenly looked really shocked at Aria and said,"Why are you here Ugly Girl ?!" XD Really, he's so cute, always making fun of her and only giving her support and help at the times when she really needs it.

The picture wasn't so good, all the characters almost looked the same, sometimes Tennoji didn't have his black hair coloured in so it was at first difficult to tell it was him, but later on you get used to it and the style changes a little to adapt. I really like this manga because it's not the sort that needs to express the characters' feelings by saying,"I love you," or "I like you", you can actually see the characters feelings for each other and - Tennoji is just so CUTE! X3 *squeals*

Ahhh, sad..... T^T Now I've started Air Gear! I read Volume 2 of AI Love You early this morning as well but it was SO BORING I suggest you not read it. Unless - ... no i suggest you not read it. Love Hina's a lot better. Girls are prettier too.

Other than that, today I made myself a sweet snack! I took out one seedless Spanish Owari Satsuma (think of little mandarin oranges) and because I knew they were sour, I decided to improve on my idea I came up with (or rather my mum and I did) that day when I first tried them! Because they were sour, I wanted to eat sugar with them. So on that day I took some boiled water and added sugar inside and dipped the oranges in. It was niiiiceeee x3 it was all hot on the outside and then when I bit into it this cold, sweet and sour orange taste spilled into my mouth! Mmm...... And so today, I decided to get boiled water and soak the oranges in, with sugar inside as well and put them in the microwave for a minute so they coud soak up the sugar!

Ahaha when I took them out about 1 or 2 minutes later they were still hot x3 about a cm of the water was gone too. o_o I warn you, if you try to do this at home make sure you wait until it's somewhat cooled down because although the water on the outside is warm, the inside is all HOT. @_@ Still nice anyway. The water had gone slightly orangey and there were little fizzles on the spoon where the orange and sugar had... fizzled, and when I was eating them I came across this one orange piece that was shaped like those green beans we experiment and grow when we're in primary school ! It was so cuteeeeee T^T xD

Next time, I'm caramelizing them. >_>

Toodle-oo!

~beve

Beverly sits in silence in front of the laptop screen, legs splayed out under the table, butt growing numb from the long hours of sitting. She blinks solemnly and slowly, mind blank as to how she'll express what she wants to say after viewing Bee Bee and Tarrant's blog. First person view is good but it doesn't really express everything because sometimes, it is quite vague.

The screen is white, blue and orange, the "Create Post" of Blogger.com, a rectangular box slightly longer than half the screen flashes out at her, a blank white space of resonating nothing, filled with ghostly images of the photos she saw on the other two blogs, how they projected in full honesty what exactly they were - friendships created, a family in a school, a place where you'd spend more time seeing your friends than your family, a place where you'd have spent half your life in by the time you're ready to leave. And when you're ready to leave, you don't really want to.

Looking at those photos...

She remembered her own last two days in KL, on that Thursday she saw the bball gang she belonged to, on Friday she saw two girls who were closer to her than the bball gang and as if it weren't enough that Li had to leave earlier, it was absolutely heart breaking when BB lifted her hand reluctantly at the junction when they were finally ready to part, slightly disbelieving that they were actually, finally, going to part again for at the least, next ten months.

Suddenly Beverly feels her vision grow blurry, disbelieving and disgusted that the only time she'd get to prove to her friends and herself that they would always be close was if she went back, which wouldn't be for another eight months. She wants to curl up into a ball on her chair, hugging her knees close to her chest, wanting to bring back memories of her own uniformed life.

If I had never left, wouldn't I still be in that uniform, in those photos?

Wouldn't I be with my own gang, previous days before reminding and hammering into the rest of her gang's heads that they absolutely NEED to bring cameras to take loads of pics, and making promises that we'd always be friends?

Wouldn't we?

Where are my photos?

Where are my tudung-ed teachers?

Where is my free ice cream from Jimmy to celebrate his anniversary since arriving at WMS?

Where are my chorus of whines going up the stairs avoiding prefects eagle eyes on duty?

Where are my sing-a-longs with Terri during English?

Where did the chatbooks end?

Where have all the chapel days gone, where I used to try persuade Li to have lunch with us instead of running off with that Zhuang girl?

Beverly stops typing for a moment, only to stare blankly into space, persuading herself that it's pointless to think about things that would never and can never now happen. That now she's got a life of her own that's a whole different world to the one back home, where winters are freezing and summers are just heat waves. Where buildings are not all painted and have Victorian-styled architecture.

She can really think of nothing good about London. Not at the moment, not when she left so much behind, things that took 15 years to build.

She sighs, yet another small section of heart breaking into a tiny million pieces. She stares at their invisibility as they fall, shining fragments glittering as they drop on to the ground, scattered. She wonders fleetingly, are they sharp?

She wants to know where are her photos. She wants to know how Elvin is doing. She suddenly wants to talk to him about the birthday she helped celebrate with him. She wants to know how it feels again to be snuggled up in bed when it's raining outside and the air-con is on full blast. She wants to know the warmth of the hot air and sun as it blasts against her face going from one cold place to a hot one in an instant. She wants to know... Looking at those photos, she really can't help but think

I wish I never left KL.

~beve

Written on the night of the 5th November 'o6:

I cannot find any paper and I have no pen, so I am using my sister's pencil (without her permission) and the back of page one of my Biology syllabus guide.

I've recently gone on a reading marathon. I have been doing nothing but relax whole of Saturday and Sunday, and because Wayne and Robyn are internet hogs, I took that opportunity to just busy myself with books, manga and movies.

I was awake whole Friday night till about 6 am - That's what I do. I download 15 volumes of manga (Inuyasha) and read them during the day, and have naps in between for at least 2 hours. I would say this is good catching up on sleep because last Sunday I only slept 2 hours. And not more than 6 the rest.

Saturday night I did the same thing and on Sunday, I read Neil Gaiman's (creator of Spawn) and Dave Mckean's Mirror MaSk. It is quite surreal, illustrated with pictures, and has its font like this and in narrative paragraphs

"or like this."

Page 2.

When i was washing my hair, I was thinking of my earlier conversation with Thomas. And I remembered reminding Thomas to get him to book his flight. He said his mum'd probably do it next week, she just got back from Europe.

I dunno why, suddenly I thought of Ms Chin and her saying that she knows how stubborn and strict his mum can be, and I think she's the parent among Thomas' parents that Ms chin wouldn't forcefully, or obviously, impose her thoughts on.

But it made me think of my 'arranged marriage' comment, and wonder, if I was a parent, seeing how childish I can be now, would I be like that ? I think I'd want a son like Thomas, except that I hope he'd be more cheeky and have more experience in girlfriends. I wouldn't want him turning out like a sudden person I know who only knows how to run. Then again, it isn't to say Thomas isn't without faults.

I'm also starting to wonder again for some reason whether Terri, (BB) and I are still close friends. I suppose to a certain extent we are, but when she says things like how she and Suet Mey can read each other's minds by just a glance, I wonder what will happen. Would we meet as merely friends in a sleepover, not meeting to exchange secrets but meeting to see if we still know each other? Hmn. It felt like that a little during our summer sleepover, what with me being quiet the first day coz I wasn't engrossed in their shopping and their tastes, and with Terri being moody at night and the next day. I suppose the next sleepover would be at my house. Am I more insecure to what I perceive myself to be? in this current mindset though. During the moments where I think ghosts can attack me.

Page 3.

I have a pile of books on the floor, new ones and old, among Biology notes, laptops, a silent musical accessory box, rented movies, anime and manga There's also smaller junk like coins, ipod, glue tape, a necklace and a hp. I've started reading Eoin Colfer's "Artemis Fowl and The Lost Colony" and I hope to finish it tonight so I can get started on my Maths and plan how I shall rush Art. I want to meet Eoin Colfer one day. Along with several manga artists and other authors. Plus Heath Ledger, Matsumoto Jun, Ah Wai and Kenickey. I'd like to apologise to Wai Wai. I suppose I could just call him later.

Janice's birthday is coming up. I wish my camera was fixed. I wish I had all the time in the world to read my manga, books and finish movies. I wish the manga series I love never end. One day, I promise myself, I will meet these people and ask them how and why they got to be where they are.

I think what I, and everyone else around me, have in mind what I'll be in the future involves a fixed salary each month, with fixed hours, very possibly OT with an adult mind. I feel myself changing, I know I have changed, but I wish to remember what I used to be like, and still manage to grab it and be myself above every other thing anytime I want. (How sad is this, I'm searching for myself.) (I suppose it's not all too bad.) I see myself as a possible architect, but I know another job I'd really rather be, but I think at heart I really want to be a manga artist. But I have no stable income there and

Page 4.

that's dangerous, a rish I don't want to take until I've established myself a stable job. Bah, I'll get there when I get there. Right now I'll just work on refining my stories.

BB ! Reminder for you ! Please get started on the girl in a boarding school fic!

I think I'll go download photoshop. And maybe I'll go back to drawing manga. I think I'll go back to copying so I can get used to the curves and lines again. It's time to get started on bodies, angles and fashion.

Haha. I'm always planning and dreaming. I really never get anywhere.

Blah. No rush.

I'm going to go back to my fantasy world of elves, fairies, and Holly Short. Reading about Artemis Fowl is intriguing, he's got a sense of sarcasm which I find very refreshing.

Till then,
~beve

Before I post the posts I wrote out last night ... I shall post this !
A lot of this is answered based on my hyper self ~

Which J-rocker are you?

Mischievious, cute, fun. You are Ryo from Baroque.
Take this quiz!

Which Jrock Theatre Character Are You?

You are SUGIZO. Serious and intolerant of anything, you can be a real tight-ass sometimes. But most of the time you're pretty cool.
Take this quiz!

What j-rock bassist are you?

You're Natsuki!
Take this quiz!

Which JROCK male should suit YOU?

GACKT should suit you!
Take this quiz!

Which Dir en grey Member Are You?

You are Kyo.
Take this quiz!

Which member of Gazette are you?

Gentle and kind hearted, you never put yourself first. You're sweet and innocent...and even look gentle with a gun ^ ^
Take this quiz!

who is your jrock alter ego?

your jrock alter ego is - kaoru!
Take this quiz!

Who are you in X Japan?

Pata
Take this quiz!

Which Jrock guitarist are you?

You are Uruha from Gazette.A timeless beauty, young and gorgeous.All your friends love you lots, and of course your fans.
Take this quiz!

Which JRock Vocalist Are You?

You're Isshi from Kaggra! You're special.
Take this quiz!

A lot of these are strange - but I agree with the next one ! I agree that it's partially right.

Who from D'espairsRay are you?

Tsukasa
Take this quiz!

What kind of J-rocker would you be?

Indie. Well done. You fell into the same category with BLOOD and Gazette. You like to do things your own way and be whatever you want yourself. You let no one tell you what to do or how to do it.
Take this quiz!

Which Ruki are you most like?

Ruki sure does like to put his hands over/near/on his mouth. Sometimes he goes a little further and puts them IN... o_O;
Take this quiz!

Which Kyo are you?

You are Kirei Kyo!
Take this quiz!

Referring to above: Hahh ? XD

And finally, I like this one.

Which sad j-rock song are you?

You are 'hitohira no jiyuu' by Glay!
Take this quiz!

Finally ! Over ! Bah, such a waste of time. @_@ Took me over an hour and a half. >_> Then again, I was downloading stuff most of the time and had many windows open, thus the lag.

Anyway. Back to a round of Audition (online game) before manga-ing again !

~beve

Ahh you know what I can't be bothered I'll just be myself.

No one's ever gotten anywhere by sucking up. Well they have, but you need an attitude anyway to get where you want to be.

And I shall be myself.

I shan't bother with people who aren't worth my time, won't ever stay longer than a second within my social circle, and be happy with the friends I've got. =D

I can't believe I felt that way - must be coz I'm going into my red days. T^T Why do the bad feelings come before those days and the bad things always happen in ONE day right before the red days start? Bahhh =_= Useless things. Why was I born a girl?

I KNOW ! So I can rejoice drool over hot guys... XD *thinks of Jap actor and Heath Ledger*

(HEATH LEDGER I HAVE TO SAY AGAIN IS SO HOT I WISH HE WERE MINE, or I wish there was someone like him near me coz I so fall for the way he acted in Casanova)

I still can't believe I was even bothered by my earlier remarks. If I had my friends around me now, I'd feel so secure I wouldn't give a damn about anything unless say like, an earthquake happened or someone got shot. T^T

~beve

Love. LOVE YOU GUYS ! xxoo

I have a question.

Am I too mean?

Should I try to be nice?

Should I try to adapt to people who I don't trust because eventually I know that before they accept me for who I am they're going to bitch about me behind my back? Or should I grovel at people waiting for them to eventually realize I'm being fake and in the end bitch about me behind my back?

Shoud I sugar coat my words and suck up to people who I know won't be my friends for life? Or even for a few weeks?

Should I try to be mild and discreet or just nice and sweet to everyone because they might be 'too sensitive' ? Wouldn't that make me fake?

It's stupid when some people decide after a certain remark they're not used to getting that you're someone they can't comprehend because they've never come across someone like you before and instead of finding out more, and decide that you're just not 'nice' like them.

Whatever.

I ate a lot of ikan bilis today. I need to drink more water x_x

~beve

I've been sleeping the whole day and reading manga !

Actually, I was going to blog about manga, like Inuyasha and Absolute Boyfriend but I have no mood for it now. -_-

Maybe later when my eyes don't hurt again. Sigh.

~beve

I typed out a post just now and I would've posted it except that the pictures won't load for some stupid reason so I'll just sort it out tomorrow after I sleep. The post will show up before this one so.... G'NITE !

~bevz

HELLO PEEPZ ! ~

I fell asleep just now for awhile and when I woke up I thought it would typically be 2 or 3 am or slightly earlier but when the first thing that I noticed was strange was that the lights were still on ! Now, normally my mum helps me switch it off if she sees me sleeping, or Robyn would switch it off coz she wants to sleep ! But when I looked over, Robyn's bed was empty ! It was like one of those mystery cases where the victim sleep walks or the perpetrator gets out of bed in the middle of the night in the hopes no one sees her...... *sherlock holmes air* Ooh, this reminds me, today during History we found out that Des, the guy with natural black/brown hair and surprisingly blue eyes was related to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle ! (Is that spelling right?)

Ugh, I have a headache/fever, my neck hurts and my eyes sting.

Today during Mechanics Maths, being related to Physics, we learned about the Conservation of Momentum. Basically where

momentum (mass x velocity / mv) = impulse ( force x time / ft)
ft can also equal mv (mass x velocity) - mu (mass x initial velocity)
Units in Ns (Newton second)

and impulse is change of momentum.

And conservation of momentum involves the overall impulse of the first object before and after say, an accident or a collision, which equals to the impulse of the second object before and after the collision. The before and after's of the collision include two subject matter each time because you need to have two objects for a collision and also you need to know the momentum of both objects before and after collision.

so basically m1u1 + m2u2 = m1v1 - m2v2

I'm not going to go into how that works because you need to start from the beginning of Dynamics or understand that v = u + at and it's just too long for me to explain and you to understand. But if you do happen to do that next time, it's not that difficult to understand. It's just the questions are difficult to comprehend. I get that section wrong all the time. *optimistic*

But anyway, you know how Maths just tends to be numbers, and the only reason they put it in sentences is so you can pick out the small clues, not because it's there for you to translate literally? When writing down the example questions today I thought, "Maths can be so violent. =.=" This was one of the questions:

A truck of mass 225 kg is moving at 3 m/s. A man of mass 75 kg runs straight towards it and meets it head-on at a speed of 6 m/s. If the man jumps on to the truck when he meets it, how fast and in what direction will the truck be moving afterward?

It was easy, but Costa was obviously not paying attention and instead sidetracked by asking, "Wouldn't the truck just continue moving and not slow down because the man would be so insignificant and not heavy enough?"

"Not necessarily, the truck is moving at 3 m/s and the man is moving at 6 m/s. On average, a normal person would take even longer -"

Costa staring down at paper,"But then that's like a sprin-ter, that's quite fast -"

And basically Costa was saying that if it was a huge HUGE truck it wouldn't make a difference even if the person was going super fast at the truck and Richard Milner was just saying,"Try it. Put in your own figures." And Costa was the one who seemed most interested in it and finally after the explanation on the board was over he did actually experiment. XD He drew this big circle and wrote 10000 kg inside it with its speed and a man. Then he drew the 'after' diagram and drew the man colliding with the truck, and then he went into a small conversation about whether the man hits it head on, or a full body slam. And after it was confirmed that in this situation, head on would be more appropriate one, he drew a little stickman touching the front of the circle truck, and said,"Ok, now I'll draw all the blood," and drew little dots flying away, to which Richard said,"No he can't lose any blood, coz then a difference in mass would have to be taken into account," and ultimately more calculations would have to be made.

Costa, "True, true, ok then, I'll just rub off the blood -" he rubbed off the blood, "and he won't lose any blood, no let's say he jumped on the truck," he drew a little stickman on top of the truck,"I quite like him, I don't want him to die," he moved the stick man closer towards the middle of the truck and rubbed off the previous one, "he'll be Su-perman, with a cape n everything," he drew two squiggly lines attached at the ends. XD Costa is so funny. XD The whole time I was smiling, Zyed was laughing, and Leo on his right hand side was helping him out, and providing him formulas coz Costa didn't know them himself. XD

So there was a result but it wasn't too important to remember, but then Costa started asking about the angle of how you hit the truck, and Richard was agreeing that the angle of which you hit the truck would make a difference but Costa decided it was too hard to work it out. He glanced at question one of the question sheet, decided he didn't know how to do it, and proceeded to asking, "How about if there's a truck going at a constant speed and then there're people of the same weight and speed jumping at the truck with the same intervals, how would the truck slow down then?"

"Well, that would be a little difficult to work out-"

"First you've got to find the people willing to jump in front of the truck," Leo, forever the reality check, 'specially to me.

"Yes exactly, you'd first have to find people willing to, to do that for you."

Costa is silent. "No, but, you could work it out.. Just get the people to jump on to the truck-"

Leo,"Yeah but then the people and the truck would be going at such a fast speed they'd hit it anyway and die."

"Hmn." Richard is thinking. "... How about if you get people jumping off the truck instead of jumping towards it, that way the truck would be going faster, and you could do it backwards."

Costa is contemplating.

"You could do it backwards, then the.." He trails off. He's probably about to say that the answers would be opposite to the other situation.

Costa. "Is it possible to travel past the speed of light?"

"Well... it can be - "

"Is it possible to even travel at the speed of light? Wasn't it Ein-stein who created that theory?"

"- No.. Yes he did."

"Why not?"

"Because as you reach the speed of light your mass will grow and at the speed of light you'll have infinite mass and no length. - If the theory is right."

"But what happens if you travel past the speed of light?"

"Well, you'll be going backwards in time."

We're all silent at the possibilities.

"So how can you travel past the speed of light?"

"Well that's something you can do research on during the weekend but now can you concentrate on your work-"

XD We'd spent about 15 min on this discussion LOL. It was so funny. XD Costa has some really crazy ideas sometimes.

Ugh, it's so freaking cold today. Btw, my mum went on a shopping spree for socks, and got legwarmers, long socks meant for skiing but makes no difference anyway, and she got me and Robyn these really warm, long, fluffy socks and they're so SOFFFTTTTTT. T^T I love them so much, mine has a sheep on the side and Robyn's has a pig, coz my dad calls her Porkie XD and when my mum told me Robyn's was a pig, I was like,"XD So bad, just coz daddy calls her Porkie."

@_@ My throat and eyes hurt.

Anyway, I think I did stupid on the History test - one essay question was 20 marks, and the other 40. I bet I'd get no higher than 30. Or 15 actually. Shyt. It's just ... too much information in the syllabus and too difficult things to pick out. No matter ! I shall master it. >_>

I went to the London Graphic Centre after school today with Abdullah, and it's a proper art shop ! I mean, all these shelves of coloured paper in different sizes, bulks, different textured paper like for water colour or acrylic or oil, paint brushes, Letraset markers, screen/digital tone sheets, sketch books on top floor, paints, crayons, canvas.... Which are all super expensive. @_@ There's a workshop I'm going for tomorrow morning in hopes I can get freebies, learn more, and get the discount. I need to get some markers and alcohol-based paper and it's EXPENSIVE, like, individual markers cost FIVE POUNDS, and I'm so glad the school is reimbursing me for it since I'm using those materials for my Art and not really personal use.

And as i was browsing I got an sms from HIM ! And it was quite sweet. x3 But it's so unfairrrrr, he can't be mine. >_> Oh well, I can wait. *shrugs*

I LIKE MY SOCKSSSSS THEY'RE WHITE WITH PINK STRIPES ! Yayyyyy they're so softt.... X3 I'm wearing them forever. >_>

On Thursday, I brought back little pieces of canvas so I could experiment with for the markers.

Stage 1:

can't be shown because the scanning program just suddenly quit and by that time I'd already moved on with the next stage. Basically it was a brief sketch on canvas with pencil, angle and idea derived from a mangaka (manga artist) I found that I can really relate to. A manga artist that I found my style is closest to hers.

Stage 2:
After analysing this I realized that the hair problem had to be fixed but couldn't go more than a certain extent and the nose and eyebrows and eyes had to be fixed. >_>


Stage 3:
Almost done ! Scared to colour in coz it could spoil the whole pic. Abdullah says the hair by the face needs to be fixed though coz otherwise it will seem like the side of the face. He likes the hair, and says he can't do hair, but I think hair is basically the easiest as it can go any way - but I can only do hair as long as it's not spiked up or anything.

But now I'm just photocopying it and colouring over to see what colours will match for my final piece!

Taz,

~beve =3

Omg ! I posted FIVE posts today ! Am I jobless or wut ?! >_> I really should go bathe it's almost 2 am T^T and I need to do Maths... sigh.

It's getting to be so frickin' cold I'm freezing my butt off and I think I should start wearing double layers of long sleeved clothes...

And including this post that makes SIX for today ! Probably won't make it back from college early enough to blog a seventh post today, and not bothered to do it tomorrow morning.

OH I KNOW WHY I'M BLOGGING.

I have no one to chat to so I'm just accompanying myself !

OMG how sad is that ?!

@_@

*ahem*

I better go.

*runs off hurriedly*

~beve

Sweet dreams and good luck everyone !

I'M BLOGGING AGAINNNNN X3 Seriously I think it's coz I'm very procrastinating on doing my homework.

A friend just asked,"How do you stand it?" XD By that he means, how do I stand staying up so late to do homework? And I don't stay up late to do homework unless it's a lot and I'm doing it last minute, but I just don't want to do my homework so early, so that means I have to stay up even later so since I want to and prefer to do this, I accept the conditions.

Btw btw btw -

DO YOU LIKE THE NEW BLOG SONG ?!?!??!!?

I absolutely, totally LOVE it.

Especially the beginning part. (Ugh I would've put an X Japan song except that it didn't download until just just now. -_- ) But anyway. This isn't the song I was going to use when I posted my newest short fiction. I haven't even finished it ! I started it just now coz I wanted to write, but I couldn't.... It just seemed to suck after awhile, and I've got a little problem I'm gonna encounter soon so I guess I might as well just try finishing it first. Must.... finish... MUst..... FINISH !

But I LOVE this song, don't you ?! So put your volumes up la people !!!! What you waiting for ?!

Hahahaha... This song makes me so happy x3 it's just got this HAPPY BEVE vibe to it... XD

Lalalalalalallalala............... lalllalalaaalalalallalalalallala....................

LALLALALALLALALLLALALALALLA

LALALALLALALALALLALALALLALALA

LALALALLALALALLALALALLALALALALALALALA

LALALAALLALLALALLALALALALALLALALALALALA

LALALALLALALALLALALALALLALLALALALLALALA

LALALLALALALALAALLALALALALALALALLALALALA

................................... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XD XD Hehehehehe.........

~beve <33

Hi Terri hahaa see I managed to change the settings of my blog so you can see up to 5 days of posts, but I think I shall change it to three.

I wanted to blog loads today about stuff but it all flew away from my headdddd... T^T

I think Ross, from Biology, doesn't like me very much, and I feel a little insulted but a part of me keeps on asking why I give a damn and I don't, but that's only during the day. >_> How does the night change things? @_@ Nights are scary, I start thinking of little ghosts haunting me, and it's super creepy. I really want to write a ghost story one day so I welcome the imagination because they're great ideas, but I can't do that with an intricate plot or even hope to start a chapter because I'll get freaked out by what I'm writing and make what's in my mind more real and as I normally write at night, ultimately more terrifying.

I wish I could write a ghost poem with Terri though like we tried in Form 4. XD I remember how we were just about 7 to 10 lines into it when we decided to stop because it was so creepy and giving us shivers and tingles down our spines eventhough it was clearly daylight and in a big classroom with a whole load of noisy people and our favouritest teacher Faridah CHANG... I remember pushing the book away and saying,"Let's stop, I'm getting creeped out." And she was too, rubbing her arms.

Was it Form 3? I'm sure I remember it was Faridah Chang stalking back and forth in front of us trying to sort out books n stuff, n asking Stanley later on to see what she felt about it. Well not too sure about Stanley but I'm sure FC was there.

We were creating a setting in the night, and I asked Terri what she imagined the setting was. She said she placed our created ghost into a huge mansion with marble floors and empty rooms where the curtains were held back away from the window and moonlight seeped in, whilst I imagined a kampung-like house with wooden creaky floors (I pointed this out to her - I wrote in one line that the floors creaked as she touched them, how could it be from a mansion? Unless she was talking about mansions with polished timber floors) and windchimes at the balcony overlooking other old houses, with maybe, willow tree branches hanging over the balcony nearby, or outside the windows..... Ugh. Creepy. I'm gonna stop here.

~beve

OH DID I mention I went to Waterstones just now and say a FOURTH book by LIAN HEARN to the TALES OF THE OTORI series? But it costs SEVENTEEN pounds..... @_@ And there's a Peter Pan sequel as well but mummy won't get it for meeee T^T

I'm writing a new short fic, and I hope to post it up soon as well as change blog song. But I can't currently change the blog song coz I can't find it on limewire and although it's on my old laptop the mouse isn't working. -_- DIE....

T^T This means I have plenty of time though to construct the story. I'm really confused about how to fuse two parts into one.

Btw, there's this competition I might want to join but have no chance of winning (partially coz I can't find the paper it's on) where you write an essay on travelling to a new place, like a travel journal and first prize is THREE THOUSAND POUNDS.

~beve

Another reason why I have no confidence in winning is coz the applicants are open from teenagers to 40-year-olds. How do I compete with someone , or millions, who've studied Literature and know what to put in? But I guess it depends a lot on writing technique/style, and how you portray things as well. And I'm not that imaginative so.... Bleh. All my creativity is squeezed into one paragraph and then the rest of the story is dull. -_-

YES ! I finally got the html of the last post working. @_@ Pfft.

But I take back almost all I said. >_>

THERE'S STILL HOPE ! T^T

Just now as I was just starting dinner I decided my blanket was getting in the way and decided to dump it on my bed. As I left the room, I told Robyn why the ipod was where it was. And she said as I went up the stairs *sniffs* T^T she said,"I'm sorry for shouting just now." Clearly ! Not muffled, not mumbled, not angrily, BUT SHE SAID IT ! =O !

T^T

I replied,"I'm sorry too."

....

STILL HOPE !

~emotion overcome beve

Forewarning. This post has foul language, words written and infused with a bad temper, about someone who's related to me. So if you're going to get JUDGEMENTAL please wait until I next update.

WHAT THE FCK IS WRONG WITH MY SISTER?!

If there are any people in the world who can make me lose my temper for long periods of time, it's these:
- my parents
- Thomas
- my sister

Tarrant's been crossed off because he's just not worth being angry over and the rest make me feel more discontented than angry.

So.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER?

The first thing she does when she comes home is start a fight with Max, and that's already irritating enough as it is because I'm watching a movie and our place isn't exactly big with a lot of walls or apparitions.

Fair enough, she says he started it and that's believable.

But ten minutes later she starts it again and they're yelling at each other like nobody's business.

IT WAS GREAT! MORE SOUND EFFECTS FOR THE MOVIE!

So I'm lying down on the sofa wrapped in my blanket staring at the ceiling, waiting for the movie to start again and she sits down on the floor right in front of me and I say,"Robyn you're blocking my view." She moves and says,"Next time say please." What goes through my ears aren't words normally spoken that an outsider's ears hear, but a nasal whiny screech that makes me think of a cold damp cloth flung at the back of someone's neck from my LITTLE SISTER who fcking thinks she's TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME.

Who was the one born in 1994?

SHE'S NOT EVEN A TEENAGER. Just because say, she had some bad day at school gives her NO RIGHT to take it out on us, and why the fck should I say please if she was the one blocking my view? I could say it, but with that attitude, who would be inclined to be polite?

So then she says with her claw's unsheathed,"I didn't see you there -"

"Oh, what, you blind izzit you can't see me lying down here-"

"Well I thought you were just lying down not looking at the screen-"

"You were just right beside me before you sat down, you're telling me you didn't even see my head or my arm propped up-"

"No I didn't bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla ("Whatever.") bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla - Fine. Next time I won't move."

It got worse where we said we'd get violent on each other and I'm like Whatever because I know I can still make that little bitch with a pole up her ass cry. So she goes one with her whiny, know-it-all self who strives to be popular in her little screwed up world, until finally she's done and I say,

"Are you done?"

Silence from the opposing end. The show continues.

Honestly who's bothered to listen anymore? She acts like my older sister or something, but it's stated in her IC she's TWELVE. She's been twelve for a long time and she won't be a teenager until NEXT YEAR, where does she get off acting as if she's SEVENTEEN just coz she's got her PERIOD, GROWING PAINS, HEADACHES AND CRAMPS, AND AN OBSESSION WITH GUYS WHO I PITY BECAUSE THEY'LL NEVER SEE HOW SHE TREATS HER FAMILY BASED ON HER MOODS? It's not just me who gets irritated with her - almost every single day I know Max feelings like strangling her, and her annoying self also invites a slap from my dad. Of course, he's too nice to ever do that.

As if that's not enough she goes off into an arguement with Max again twice into the movie and just YAPS away like the psychotic girl she is ever considerate to my mum and I who're actually watching the show. When she hears Wayne come down she immediately turns to my mum midway arguing with Max and says,"Mummy, Wayne's disturbing me," and then repeats the sentence when he's in front of us as well so obviously he's gonna try piss her off or irritate her because she was the one who started it. What is her PROBLEM?

After the movie she STARTS again on me taking her ipod yesterday, and all she could complain about was that she saw it lying around downstairs instead of idle in her desk in our room. SO?

She's like,"You should ask me before taking my stuff-"

And I go,"Well, YOU take my clothes sometimes and don't ask either and I SEE you doing it but I don't complain, huh, why do you like arguing so much, don't you ever get tired? -"

"What, you think I actually like fighting - ? - It was MAX who started it first just now and I didn't see you watching and all I said to mummy was, 'I hope she doesn't lose my ipod.' - "

She didn't even fcking say that. She said I shouldn't take her bloody stuff without her permission.

"Well I didn't hear that you said something else and do you think everyone likes arguing like you do since that's all you've done since you've come home, you've been arguing with everyone and if you don't like it so much why don't you GO UPSTAIRS and sleep since you're SICK?"

BAH I don't care she can go screw herself just one or two more years and I'm off to uni where hopefully the only time I'll see her face if ever is Christmas and CNY and wonder if she'll have the decency to be mature coz family or not I'm still not taking any bullshit off anyone and especially not off her.

The movie I watched was Wedding Crashers btw.

~beve